Why We Live in Different Countries and Aren’t in a Rush to Move In Together

You’ve heard the conventional wisdom: long-term relationships inevitably lead to cohabitation, marriage, and shared space. But what if living apart is actually the secret to keeping the spark alive?

For Catherine Collins and her partner Andrew, that’s exactly the reality. She lives in Chicago, Illinois, while he lives a few hours north in Winnipeg, Canada. They’re deeply committed—they even run an online business together—but they have no immediate plans to move in together. And that’s by choice.

Monthly, Catherine makes a two-hour flight from Chicago to Winnipeg, clearing customs before stepping into Andrew’s arms. Two weeks later, he reverses the trip, flying south to spend time with her in Chicago. This rhythm isn’t a temporary compromise; it’s a deliberate lifestyle that prioritizes family, keeps gratitude high, and ensures their relationship stays fresh.

Let’s break down why this arrangement works, the surprising benefits, and the data-backed arguments for living apart as a long-term strategy.

The Data on Long-Distance Relationships and Commitment

Conventional wisdom says distance kills relationships. But the numbers tell a different story.

A 2021 study published in the Journal of Communication found that long-distance couples report higher levels of intimacy, commitment, and communication quality compared to geographically close couples. The researchers attribute this to the fact that long-distance partners invest more intentional effort into their interactions.

Catherine and Andrew’s setup aligns with these findings. They’ve been dating for two years, but their foundation is deeper: they’ve been friends and colleagues for nearly a decade, having met at a financial bloggers conference. That built-in trust, combined with their current arrangement, creates a relationship that isn’t weighed down by everyday friction.

How Living Apart Prioritizes Children Without Sacrificing Romance

Both Catherine and Andrew have children from previous marriages. Those kids are deeply rooted in their communities, schools, activities, and friendships. Upending their lives for a relationship—even a committed one—was never on the table.

“From the beginning, we’ve always said that our kids come first,” Catherine shared. That’s not just lip service. By keeping their homes in different countries, each partner can remain the stable, loving parent their children need. No moving schools mid-year. No pulling kids away from friends or after-school programs.

This isn’t a permanent state of limbo. Both partners know that one day—once the children grow older, head to college, and start families of their own—there will be plenty of time to savor their relationship in a shared, quiet empty nest. For now, their focus is on being present parents while still nurturing their own bond.

This approach removes a mountain of stress. According to a 2022 survey by the Pew Research Center, 64% of parents say that balancing work and family responsibilities is difficult. Adding a move that uproots children would only compound that stress. By keeping geography separate, Catherine and Andrew sidestep that entire category of conflict.

The Surprising Benefits of a Two-Home Relationship

Beyond the obvious logistics, this setup delivers unexpected perks that many cohabiting couples miss.

No Chore-Based Arguments

Here’s the ugly truth: many couples fight about chores. A 2020 study in PSU Research Review found that unequal division of household labor is a leading predictor of relationship dissatisfaction. Catherine and Andrew don’t have that problem. Since both run their own homes and are solo parents when they’re apart, each is fully capable of managing cleaning, cooking, and errands alone.

When Andrew visits Chicago and takes out the trash or brings her car to the shop, Catherine feels genuine gratitude—not the quiet resentment that often creeps up in shared households.

“I know it’s easy to take these small tasks for granted in long-term relationships. For us, though, we’re so happy to have another adult helping out that we can’t say ‘thank you’ enough,” she said.

That gratitude is a relationship superpower. Psychologists have long noted that expressing appreciation increases relationship satisfaction. By keeping physical distance, Catherine and Andrew preserve that feeling of “gift” in everyday actions that would otherwise feel routine.

Excitement Stays High

When you see your partner every day, spontaneity can fade. When you see them every two weeks, every visit feels like a date. Their time together becomes intentional: they plan activities, explore each other’s cities, and genuinely look forward to shared moments.

This isn’t just romantic idealism—it’s backed by neuroscience. The brain’s reward system is activated by novelty and anticipation. Living apart keeps those neural pathways firing, which keeps the relationship dynamic and fresh.

Financial Flexibility

Running two households sounds expensive, but it also eliminates the pressure to sell homes, break leases, or disrupt income streams. Both partners maintain their own professional networks, social circles, and financial independence. For a couple that runs an online business together, this stability matters.

When Living Apart Makes Sense for Your Relationship

Not every couple should replicate Catherine and Andrew’s model. But certain conditions make this arrangement particularly effective:

• You have children from previous relationships. Stability for kids often outweighs the convenience of cohabitation.
• You have demanding careers or businesses. Two-home relationships can protect both partners’ professional momentum.
• You value independence. Some people thrive with personal space; this setup honors that need without compromising commitment.
• You communicate intentionally. Long-distance demands stronger communication habits—scheduled calls, video dates, and honest check-ins.

How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work Long-Term

If you’re considering a similar arrangement, here are five actionable strategies drawn from Catherine and Andrew’s experience:

1. Set a Long-Term Vision Together

Know that this phase isn’t forever. Catherine and Andrew have a clear roadmap: when children are older and independent, they’ll consolidate homes. That shared goal prevents drift and keeps both partners aligned.

2. Prioritize a Shared Ritual

Every month, they take turns traveling. They don’t leave the schedule to chance. That regularity builds trust and ensures the relationship gets consistent—not sporadic—attention.

3. Lean Into Gratitude

When you live apart, every act of service feels like a gift. Don’t let that feeling fade. Say “thank you” for the small things. Write it down. Acknowledging each other’s efforts reinforces connection.

4. Keep Your Own Life Full

Solo parenting and running a household means you’re not reliant on your partner for emotional or logistical survival. That independence makes your time together a choice, not a necessity—and that’s powerfully romantic.

5. Plan Your Empty Nest Early

Catherine and Andrew know that their together-time is coming. Instead of resenting the distance, they use it to build anticipation for the chapter when they’ll share a quiet, empty nest.

The Bottom Line on Living Apart as a Couple

Our culture often treats cohabitation as the only marker of a serious relationship. But Catherine and Andrew’s story challenges that assumption. Two years into their second-chance romance, they’re proof that commitment doesn’t require a shared mailbox.

By prioritizing their children, preserving independence, and cultivating gratitude through small acts of help, they’ve built a relationship that feels exciting and sustainable.

Living apart isn’t a sign that something is missing. For some couples, it’s the reason everything works.

If you’re rethinking what a serious relationship looks like—especially when kids, careers, or geography complicate the picture—this model offers a blueprint. It’s not a compromise. It’s a strategy.

And as Catherine and Andrew know, sometimes the best love story isn’t about rushing to the same place. It’s about savoring the journey from two different countries.